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Top 10 Reasons Your Losing Team Needs New Uniforms

In National Football League, New England Patriots, New York Giants on November 25, 2008 at 9:42 pm
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were the laughing stock of the NFL since the team’s inception. The fashion gods punished them for wearing those unsightly fluorescent orange and white uniforms. Talk about a fashion faux pas.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were the laughing stock of the NFL since the team’s inception. The fashion gods punished them for wearing those unsightly fluorescent orange and white uniforms. Talk about a fashion faux pas.

Okay, admittedly, clothes don’t make the man. But, in the case of uniforms, they sure as hell get your perennial doormat team turned around within five years. If your team is muddling in mediocrity, your team doesn’t need a new coach or better players. More often than not, a fashion designer is all your team needs.

1. Atlanta Falcons

The Falcons made a uniform change in ‘97. Ka-boom! Two years later, they’re in their first Super Bowl ever. Okay, so they get blown-out 34-19 by the Denver Broncos. No team was going to deny John Elway that year.

But, hey, who cares, right? Atlanta fans are doing the “Dirty Bird” in small towns throughout Georgia and man, they’re just glad they made it to a friggin’ championship game for once.

2. Baltimore Ravens

The former Cleveland Browns never made it to a Super Bowl. In ‘99, they not only change uniforms, they relocate to Baltimore all together and become the Ravens. Two years later, wham-o, all that history of losing seasons and gut-wrenching loses to the Broncos go by the wayside. They win their first Super Bowl, 34-7, over the Giants. Black and purple is the new black.

3. Denver Broncos

All the Broncos and Hall of Fame quarterback John Elway were known for were three Super Bowl chokes within four years. With nothing to lose, the team changes uniforms in ‘97. Cha-ching! The next year, they’re in the big game, and they defeat the Green Bay Packers 31-24 for their first championship. It only gets better when they clip the Falcons the next season for a second consecutive championship.

4. New England Patriots

Let’s face it, Patriot Pat wasn’t cutting it. In ‘93, the team decides to update their uniform and logo to what’s mockingly referred to as “the flying Elvis.” Mock all you want haters, but they’ll be seeing you in the Super Bowl four years later. They go down to the Packers 35-21, but alas, the flying Elvis gets his ultimate revenge later by single-handedly getting the Patriots three championships in four years.

5. New York Giants

It’s been 10 years since the Giants’ last title. They look back in time for inspiration. Visions of Sam Huff and Frank Gifford come to mind. They go retro. The old lower-case “ny” logo is the new Giants logo.

Whack! One year later in ‘01, they’re facing the Baltimore Ravens in the big dance. They may have lost 34-7 to one of the best defenses of all time, but more importantly, they look good going down in defeat, and that’s all that really matters.

6. New York Jets

In ‘98, the Jets bring back the uniforms and logo of the Joe Namath era. The Jets last playoff win was back in ‘86 and the team was a running joke. Wham! One year later, the team’s vying for a Super Bowl berth, but lose to the Broncos in the AFC Championship Game. They qualify for the playoffs in five of the next nine years.

7. Philadelphia Eagles

They updated their uniform in ‘96, as well as their logo, from an eagle that wouldn’t scare a pigeon to a screeching one with some serious ‘tude. Boom! Within the next four years, they return to the playoffs. The team plays in four straight NFC championship games, with a Super Bowl appearance in ‘05, losing a close one against the New England Patriots, 24-21. Okay, no ring, but it’s the best playoff stretch in franchise history.

8. Seattle Seahawks

What’s the Seahawks’ claim to fame up until ‘01? Brian Bosworth. Enough said. The team changes uniforms in ‘02. Surprise! Four years later, they’re in their first Super Bowl. So what if they lose to the Pittsburgh Steelers 21-10 in the lamest NFL title game ever.

Seattle fans can finally put their lattes down and cheer on their team for once. More importantly, they now have something more to brag about than over-hyped linebackers with bad mullets.

9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The Bucs were the laughing stock of the league since the team’s inception. The fashion gods punished them for wearing those awful and unsightly fluorescent orange and white uniforms. Talk about a fashion faux pas.

Bucco Bruce with his feather hat, earring, winking eye, and dandy dagger just does not induce fear in opponents. In ‘98, they change uniforms and five years later, they’re blowing out the Oakland Raiders, 48-21, for their first title.

10. Tennessee Titans

Here come the Houston Oilers rolling into town. For a short while, they played as the Tennessee Oilers and keep their old uniforms. That ain’t going to work. In ‘99, they change names and uniforms and lo’ and behold, next year their playing for all the marbles (coming up one yard short to the St. Louis Rams).

So what if they stole their name from the old New York Jets and have the least threatening team colors (baby blue and white) in the league? It worked!

Who’ll Be Lifting the Vince Lombardi Trophy Soon?

The Arizona Cardinals updated their uniforms in ‘05. The San Diego Chargers also did so in ‘07. But, for the Cincinnati Bengals and Detroit Lions, who made recent uniform changes, even new threads may not be enough to get them over the hump.

Bill Parcells Is The Best Football Mind Of The NFL Modern Era

In Bill Parcells, Dallas Cowboys, National Football League, New England Patriots, New York Giants on November 25, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Bill Parcells, now heading football operations in Miami, is one tough SOB and the most brilliant football mind of the NFL's modern era.

Bill Parcells, now heading football operations in Miami, is one tough SOB and the most brilliant football mind of the NFL's modern era.

Bill Parcells is one of the best football minds in National Football League history. He ranks alongside legendary coaches like Chuck Noll, Tom Landry, Don Shula, and Bill Walsh.

In the modern era, however, his accomplishments are unrivaled.

Parcells is a tough, blue-collar guy from New Jersey. Known for speaking his mind, his former players and coaches either love him or hate him, but all will say that he brought out the best out of each and every one of them.

He knows which buttons to push and when. He wasn’t a locker room speech motivator. Parcells was a psychological master who developed some of the great NFL players of the past 30 years. He antagonized players, believing that adversity forges toughness and character.

Parcells is simply proficient with building winning teams.

He won two Super Bowls with the New York Giants, retired, returned to lead the New England Patriots to a Super Bowl before building the New York Jets into a contender, retired for another two years, then led the Dallas Cowboys, where he became the only coach in NFL history to take four different teams to the playoffs.

He is now in charge of football operations for the Miami Dolphins.

Coaching Tree

Walsh has a more extensive coaching tree, but Parcells’ is more impressive.

Sean Payton, Romeo Crennel, Eric Mangini, and Tony Sparano are head coaches in the NFL. Charlie Weiss coaches at Notre Dame. Bill Belichick and Tom Coughlin competed against each other in the last Super Bowl.

Pro Bowl Players

Parcells’ notable draft selections with the Giants include defensive back Terry Kinard and defensive tackle Leonard Marshall (‘83); linebacker Carl Banks, guard William Roberts, and quarterback Jeff Hostetler (‘84); linebacker Pepper Johnson (‘86); left tackle Jumbo Elliott (‘88); running back Dave Meggett (‘89); running back Rodney Hampton and kicker Matt Stover (‘90).

For the Patriots, his draft picks included quarterback Drew Bledsoe, linebacker Chris Slade, and wide receiver Troy Brown (‘93); linebacker Willie McGinest (‘94); defensive back Ty Law, running back Curtis Martin, and place kicker Adam Vinateri (‘95); strong safety Lawyer Milloy and linebacker Tedy Bruschi (‘96).

With the Jets, he selected linebacker James Farrior (‘97).

Parcells’ selections with the Cowboys include defensive back Terrence Newman, tight end Jason Whitten, and quarterback Tony Romo (undrafted) (‘03); linebacker DeMarcus Ware and running back Marion Barber (‘05).

New York Giants

Parcells took over a team with only one winning season in the previous decade. He won three games in his first year. He recognized the talent of linebacker Lawrence Taylor, maximizing his pass rushing skills by changing from a typical 4-3 defensive formation to a 3-4.

The Giants’ record improved in the next two years, earning the team consecutive playoff appearances since the early ’60s.

Parcells led the 14-2 Giants to its first Super Bowl title in ‘86 and the first of three division titles. He helped build one of the most dominate defenses in NFL history.

He led the injury-riddled Giants to a second Super Bowl in ‘90. The Giants began the season 10-0, but lost quarterback Phil Simms. With backup Hostetler and 12-year running back Ottis Anderson, Parcells led a dramatic playoff run. The Giants beat a San Francisco 49ers team going for a third consecutive Super Bowl on a last-minute field goal, and edged the high-scoring Buffalo Bills after they missed a last-second field goal attempt.

The pressure of football and poor nutrition and sleep habits forced Parcells to retire.

New England Patriots

Parcells returned to the NFL to coach the Patriots in ‘93. In two years, he led the team to its first playoff game in eight years. He guided the Patriots to a Super Bowl, losing to Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers.

At New England, Parcells solidified his reputation as a mentor. He developed the talented but erratic Bledsoe into a Pro Bowl quarterback and took mid-level picks on defense and honed their skills.

Parcells left the Patriots over a dispute with owner Robert Kraft about player personnel decisions.

New York Jets

In possibly his greatest achievement as head coach, Parcells transformed the Jets into instant winners. In his first year with the Jets, the team just missed the playoffs. In ‘98, the 12-4 Jets lost to John Elway and the Super Bowl-champion Denver Broncos in the AFC championship game.

The following season, quarterback Vinny Testaverde ruptured his Achilles tendon in the home opening game crippling the team’s title hopes.

Parcells would once again take time off over health concerns.

Dallas Cowboys

After three straight five-win seasons, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones hired Parcells as head coach. In his first year, he led the team to the playoffs, losing to the NFC champion Carolina Panthers.

The following season, quarterback Quincy Carter was terminated for alleged drug use. Parcells brought in 40-year old Testaverde, but he proved ineffective. The Cowboys finished with six wins. They would also miss the playoffs by a game in ‘05.

The Cowboys would lose to the Seattle Seahawks in the playoffs the following year on a botched hold from Romo on a field-goal attempt.

Parcells retired for the third time over disagreements with Jones on decision-making. While detractors say he didn’t deliver a playoff victory, Parcells left the Cowboys better than he found them and achieved as much, if not more, with the team then the current roster that includes 12 Pro Bowl players.

Miami Dolphins

Parcells’ legacy is far from over. He still has work to do in Miami.

The Dolphins are currently tied for second place in their division and are in playoff contention after a 1-15 campaign only one season ago.

Coaching Legacy

Parcells retired from coaching with the ninth most wins in NFL history and a 183-138-1 record. The teams he’s led had losing records before he arrived, but all were in the playoffs by his second season. Parcells coached for 19 seasons with only four losing campaigns, including the ‘87 strike year.

His teams always play the game the right way—they commit few penalties and mental mistakes. Opponents must beat his teams because they don’t beat themselves.

He’s a master of convincing players that winning is the top priority and not individual stats. His teams dominate the line of scrimmage on offense and defense. They run the ball efficiently, especially in the fourth quarter when the game’s on the line.

Parcells’ teams are built on solid role players over star players. This is his blueprint.

Does it still work in today’s NFL?

Ask Bill Belichick and Tom Coughlin.